


Speechless

by lookingforthestars



Category: Scorpion (TV 2014)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-22
Updated: 2019-12-12
Packaged: 2021-02-17 23:29:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,640
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21518227
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lookingforthestars/pseuds/lookingforthestars
Summary: It's even harder to take a leap of faith the second time.
Relationships: Paige Dineen & Walter O'Brien
Comments: 1
Kudos: 20





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Are my post-finale fix-it fics all basically becoming the same fic? Probably, but who cares.

"Walter, please say something."

He wasn't sure what he expected when Paige had shown up at the garage at thirteen minutes to midnight, asking if they could talk. She'd paced wordlessly for a couple of minutes after that, and Walter had developed a dozen or so theories about what she could be working up to tell him.

What she actually _did_ tell him, though…it had never crossed his mind. Not seriously.

"Walter," she said more loudly, clearly growing exasperated at his silence. "This is really hard for me, okay? It took me weeks to get up the courage to come here and now you're just…you're not saying anything and I'm…" Paige exhaled loudly, brushing her hair out of her face. "Please just tell me what you're thinking. I don't care if you haven't made sense of it yet."

He did his best to shake himself out of his daze. She looked seconds away from slapping him out of it. "Y-You're right," he finally said. "It doesn't make sense, Paige. I'm not sure where this is coming from."

She shrugged, seeming to have some trouble looking directly at him. "It's not _coming_ from anywhere. I mean there wasn't, like, a big moment. Just a lot of little ones where I realized that I gave up on us too soon and I have regrets and…I still love you, Walter. Is that so crazy? Are you telling me that you don't feel it at all?"

 _I still love you._ Somehow, it was even stranger hearing it the second time. One time could have been his imagination. A misunderstanding.

"I didn't say I don't feel anything. That's not fair. I was very willing to make our relationship work," he said quietly, feeling simultaneously vindicated and gutted by the guilt in her expression. "But I just…I think you're mistaken."

Paige frowned. "Mistaken about what? What does that even mean?"

"About still being…" He gritted his teeth, not even aware he was doing it until the telltale ache started in his jaw. "I-In love with me. I've thought a lot about this. Since you left. I did research. Most of it was garbage, but…" Walter crossed his arms, feeling an odd sense of déjà vu that he did not enjoy. They'd had conversations like this before, but they hadn't attempted a relationship then. Now they had, and he knew. "I learned that sometimes people feel lonely after a breakup. Or they have regrets. That's normal. That doesn't mean you still love that person or want to be with them again. I d-don't know what you're feeling right now, Paige. But I can't ignore the empirical evidence. The way our relationship ended makes me certain that if you ever were in love with me, that ended a while ago."

Paige looked like she'd been punched in the stomach. She stared at him in almost deafening silence for a moment. "You sure believed me when I said it at the wedding."

"A lot has happened since then," he said flatly, suppressing the urge to recall that particular memory. It used to feel good. It didn't anymore. "Perhaps I could have saved us both of a lot of trouble if I'd handled things differently."

In the immediate aftermath of the team's breakup, Walter was sure he would have handled things differently. He didn't sleep for several days, just in case…he supposed in case she called, and he might miss a very brief window in which she was willing to talk.

But that was months ago. Ninety-three days and nights for him to realize that she wasn't going to call. Ninety-three nights to wonder if it was all for the best, despite his current heartache.

With her standing two feet from him, though, repeating those words…he was having a very difficult time recalling what side he'd landed on.

"You don't mean that," Paige rebutted quietly. "There was more good than bad. A lot more. That's all anyone can expect of a relationship, Walter. And I think we could do it again. Better this time."

Walter swallowed. He knew how difficult it was for Paige to press forward despite his resistance. Her fear of rejection was, in part, responsible for where they were now.

He didn't want this to be so hard for her. He wanted to make it easier. But he didn't know how to bend.

"Okay. Look. I hurt you. Badly. I will apologize for that. You hurt me too. It took a while, but Cabe finally helped me understand it wasn't intentional." Picking up on his surprise, she added, "Yeah. He told me you didn't know we were in contact. He didn't know how you would take it. But choosing you didn't mean he could turn his back on the rest of us. And besides…he hurt you once too. He understood."

"Cabe lied to protect me. I forgave him. These situations are hardly the same."

"I know, I know." Paige stepped a little closer, and Walter felt himself tense up involuntarily. She'd clearly noticed too, because she didn't move any further. "I'm not trying to excuse what I did. But…but I know that you still loved Cabe all those years. You felt hurt and betrayed and you couldn't trust him, but you still loved him. And you found a way to put things back together. When you needed Cabe the most, he stood by you. I'm just asking for a chance to prove that I could do the same thing."

He couldn't think straight. When he first met Paige, he'd found it frustrating that her presence scrambled him so easily. He learned to enjoy it, eventually, losing himself in her. It was the only time his mind could rest.

She was his blind spot, a mile wide. How could he agree to anything when he was blind? Fifteen months ago, he'd been one hundred percent certain that everything was perfect. That he could trust her unequivocally. He was wrong, then, and he wasn't often wrong twice about the same thing.

But she was right. He'd forgiven Cabe, and the agent proved himself worthy of that leap of faith repeatedly. It wasn't impossible.

Possible wasn't the same as probable, though.

"I will upset you again," he said, continuing quickly to cut her off before she could respond. "I will, Paige. You seem certain that we can fix our issues, but I wasn't even aware that we had any. Nothing…nothing that serious. I'm never going to communicate the way you want. I'm never going to care about the things that you want. We will experience the same issues again and you will react the same way and I don't…"

 _I don't think I'll survive it._ That seemed a tad dramatic. Maybe not wholly hyperbolic, though.

Walter stepped back, looking down because if she saw his face, she would know he wasn't nearly as full of conviction as he sounded. "It would be best for us to cut our losses. We don't have to w-wonder what might have happened. We know. We can move on. Closure is important. At least, uh, that's what the article said." He wasn't sure this was what closure felt like. He had nothing to compare it to. If it was closure, he had to say that it was vastly overrated by society, as were many things. "Is this…settled, then?"

Paige didn't say anything at first. Finally, she shook her head and said, "I don't believe you."

"I'm sorry?"

"Cabe told me how things have been around here, and it doesn't square up with this BS about closure that you're trying to sell me. And you…" She shifted her weight. "You told me I was the love of your life. I meant it when I said it back. And I tried not to, but I still mean it. If it wasn't true for you, then say so, and that will be everything I need to know. But I don't think you can."

He was loath to consider what, exactly, Cabe had told her. He could always tell when Cabe caught him in the garage looking as lost and hollow as he felt, because the agent would simply put a hand on his shoulder and tell him to "hang in there."

Walter opened his mouth and promptly shut it. _I only state facts_ had turned out to be an untruth, in a way. He'd proven he was capable of lying, even if it made him physically sick.

But this was a line he couldn't cross. He could tell her he had closure, that he thought they should leave the past in the past. He couldn't tell her he didn't mean what he said. He'd often found it acceptable to be honest at the expense of someone's feelings, but he wouldn't hurt her for a lie.

So he stayed silent.

"Okay." Paige nodded, her eyes closed, and he wondered if she hadn't been as certain of his answer – or non-answer – as she pretended to be. "Look, I hoped…that we would be able to talk about this tonight, but you're clearly not ready. I'm springing a lot on you and I've had all this time to think about it, but you need more. I can give you that."

He _wanted_ to talk. His brain was screaming at him to say something, anything, but the more rational part of his mind knew blurting out the first thing that came to mind could cause even more damage. She wasn't incorrect. He needed a chance to process everything she'd said and his reaction to it.

"I know you're not sure if you can trust me again. It scares me too. I can't promise you that things will be okay, I don't know that, no one does. But even if we have the same issues again, we don't have to react to them the same way. We learn from our mistakes on cases, there's no reason it can't be the same for us." Paige blew out a breath. She'd been talking a lot. She was fitting ninety-three days – really, more than that – into one conversation, one they both knew was coming very late.

Maybe not too late. He hoped…not too late.

"I'm gonna go. And when you're ready to talk, you can call me." She turned in the direction of the door, barely taking a step before hesitating and shifting back to look at him. "Whatever we need to do to trust each other again, I am willing to do it. Just so you know. You were my best friend, Walter. Since the first day we met. If you don't believe anything else, you have to believe that. I'll do what it takes to get that back and I hope that you will too." She relaxed, seeming satisfied that she'd said everything she came to say. "Okay. _Now_ I'm going to go."

He'd watched her leave the garage so many times. Too many times. Sometimes with that warm smile at him over her shoulder, sometimes storming away from him with tears in her eyes.

But no matter how she left, she always ended up right back there. Every single time.

"Paige?"

She stopped, supporting the open door with her back as she faced him. "Yeah?"

"Can you…tell Centipede I said hi?"

Paige smiled. "Yeah. I will."


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm totally fine with leaving fics semi-unresolved, which you probably know if you've read some of my one-shots, but I had more ideas, so I decided to spring for a part 2 here. It's still not really "fluffy," but at least there's somewhat more resolution. It's a process.

"I'm really glad you called, Walter."

Her hopeful smile made him ache. Walter had no idea if asking her to talk had been the smart decision. But the things she'd said in the garage…smart or not, he knew he would regret not at least hearing her out.

He wondered if this was like it had been for her to see Drew again after all those years. Trying to move past the betrayal and abandonment to hopefully forge something positive. Their situations weren't identical, obviously, but he needed some frame of reference and that was the closest he could find.

Walter swallowed. He was stalling. "Yeah. I needed some time to figure out what I wanted to say. You know I'm not great with words."

"Well I said most of what I needed to say, so…today I'll try to just listen. I know I'm not always good at that," she said ruefully.

_We're not perfect, but we're perfect each other_. That was one of those sappy platitudes people often threw around. Walter wondered if it applied to them. They certainly were not perfect, but she had been exactly what he needed more often than not. That's why the _not_ was so painful.

"Do you want to order first?"

Paige shook her head. "No, I don't really want anything to eat."

"Me neither." He didn't want to pour out his heart in between bites of fish. But Kovelsky's had seemed like a safe, neutral place to meet. A lot of good memories. The garage wasn't what he would consider a "happy place" at the moment.

She tightened her hands around her coffee cup, which she'd already been holding when he walked in. He wondered how long she had been waiting. The cup still seemed almost entirely full. If her stomach felt half as tumultuous as his, neither of them would be able to stomach much of anything.

"I wrote down what I wanted to talk about," he said abruptly, reaching into his pocket to pull out the folded paper. "I know that's probably just another one of my annoying genius habits, but it helped me organize my thoughts."

Paige sighed. He knew he already sounded defensive, but he couldn't help it. He was defensive. "I get it, Walter. A lot of what I said to you the other night…I wrote it down as a letter first. It took me some time to work out everything I was feeling too." When Walter didn't respond right away, Paige reached out and placed her hand over his. "Just read it, Walter. I can handle it."

He hoped that was true. Walter retracted his hand and unfolded the paper. "I know that I wasn't always a good boyfriend. I'm sorry. I had good intentions when I lied to you, but I should have come clean when I realized I made a mistake. I just didn't know if you would…l-leave. I didn't want that."

Walter paused to take a breath. True to her word, she didn't interrupt, so he forged on.

"I always assumed you knew that even if I didn't share your interests, I still loved spending time with you. I loved you. It was so intense and…obvious to me that I never imagined you would have doubts about it. Perhaps I should have communicated that better. Our relationship may not have been easy, but I was always happy."

"Loved?" Paige asked in a small voice, her eyes intensely focused on her coffee cup like she was afraid to look at him.

He could see how the past tense might be confusing. It was always so difficult for him to communicate what he really meant. Sometimes he wished she could just feel what he felt every day. She would never question him if she could.

"I still love you too, Paige," he answered, echoing her words in the garage. Her whole body seemed to relax, and she looked up, giving him a weak smile. "I don't think I'll ever fall out of love with you. But right now, trusting you is harder than loving you."

Her smile faded, and she nodded, her fingers absentmindedly tracing the edge of her cup. "I know."

"Scorpion was supposed to be a family. M-My family. I know we fight and we disagree, but after everything we've been through, I just never thought all of you would walk out." Walter pressed his lips together, finding it a struggle to even out his shallow breathing. "I don't blame that all on you. The team made their own decisions. But you could have done anything when you left. You could have gone back to work for Elia or done…anything else. But you tried to take away the only thing I had left. That's not easy for me to move past."

Paige waited, making sure he was finished before she spoke. "You have every right to be angry with me. But you should know…I didn't plan on Centipede. Happy and Toby and Sly don't have a lot of places they can fit in. I felt a lot of responsibility for them leaving, since it started with you and me. I had to help them. But I also…" She exhaled, her voice coming out shaky. "You've done so much for me and Ralph, I wondered sometimes if without you, I would have been waiting tables at Nemo's for the rest of my life. I think part of me wanted to prove that I could do it without you. And it turns out that I could. But it didn't make me happy, so…"

"Here we are," he finished.

"Yeah. Here we are."

They sat in silence for a moment. Paige finally took a sip of her coffee, which had to be cold by now. The grimace on her face suggested he was right.

"I can forgive you, Paige. Everything just won't go back to normal right away." He thought hard before reaching out to take her hand. He'd missed contact with her so much it was making him a little lightheaded. "We've hurt each other a lot. Multiple times. I don't know if it's supposed to be like that. I don't know if it means that we're not right for each other, or if…we just care about each other too much, and that becomes inevitable."

"I don't know either," Paige admitted, squeezing his hand. "All I know is that Scorpion is built on second chances. And third and fourth chances," she said with a little chuckle. "Maybe the fact that this is hard, and we want it anyway, means we'll keep trying until we get it right. We never stay apart for very long. I don't know why I thought this time would be different."

"This has been really hard for me, Paige." Walter felt his voice cracking slightly. He wasn't sure he'd admitted that out loud since it happened.

"Me too," she said quietly. "It was so stupid. I wanted to be with you since almost the day we met, and then I finally had it and I just walked away. I never run away when I'm scared on a mission, but I always run away from you. You scare me a lot, Walter. The way you make me feel scares me. It's always been really overwhelming and when I thought that you wanted someone else, it was the worst thing I've ever felt."

Her eyes were glassy with unshed tears, and he held her hand tighter, lacing their fingers together. "I don't want anyone else. There might be a lot of things we need to work through, but that isn't one of them."

Paige nodded, using her free hand to wipe her eyes. "I loved being with you, Walter. I was lucky to be with you. I just want you to know because I can't take back all that awful stuff I said. You're probably always going to think about it when you look at me and all I can hope is that you'll remember it wasn't true. I was just hurt and humiliated and really, really scared about getting duped again."

"I-I'm sorry for my role in that. I would never make you feel that way intentionally."

"I know. Hindsight is twenty-twenty, right? You didn't date Florence. And you weren't relieved when we broke up."

"Relieved is not the word I would use, no." Paige trapped her hand between both of his, and he couldn't deny that he found her touch just as comforting as he always had. "I want this to work, Paige, I really do. B-But…"

"Centipede?" He nodded. "I know. We can't pretend that doesn't exist, as much as I would like to right now."

"I don't think I'll be alright as long as it's operating," Walter admitted. "B-But you worked hard on it. I understand that you might not be willing to walk away from it."

Paige looked confused, then determined as she leaned forward. "Walter, let me make one thing really clear. Centipede is not more important to me than you are. Yes, I worked hard, but I love Scorpion. I always have. It was my home too, and I miss it. So does Ralph." Hearing the young genius's name stung. His daily absence was just as painful, sometimes more, than Paige's was. "Centipede is…just another company. It's like working for Elia. It should feel good, but it doesn't feel nearly the same as what we did together. All of us."

"And if the team isn't willing to come back?" he asked hesitantly, not sure he wanted to hear the answer.

"Then I will hire them an amazing business manager and wish them luck. But Walter, I think you and I both know they'll come back if you ask. I want to come back if you'll let me. Even if things are still going to be tough for a while."

Maybe trying again with Paige, with Scorpion, wasn't the right choice. Maybe it was. There wasn't a clear answer, but he knew with certainty that one option would make him miserable, and one would give him at least a chance at being happy again.

"Can we just order?" Paige raised an eyebrow, and Walter shook his head. "We have to start somewhere. There's a lot to talk about, and it'll probably go much smoother if both of us have eaten."

Paige laughed softly, nodding as she reached for the menus. "That's a genius idea."


End file.
